Resonant Constellation

I recently returned from a quick trip to the grocery store with my friend and next-door neighbor Pete. We were bringing our loot inside, when Pete noted a large (by large, I mean something like 3×2 inches) black bug right next to his door. This bug was huge and rather menacing, and we both suffered an attack of…wait, what’s the opposite of manliness? Completely emasculating fear? I think that’s it.

Pete lobbed several rocks from a good distance away, but failed to dislodge the bug. It was at this point that he requested that I retrieve my sword. I dutifully retrieved the weapon and handed it to him, keeping the scabbard for myself to use as a makeshift bat.

Pete swiped at the bug a few times and managed to get it to move a little. He then gave me the sword back and went to fetch his groceries. When he came back, he somehow annoyed the bug and it began to fly, buzzing angrily. I believe it was at this point when I took off running, shouting “It can fly?! That’s not fair!” and Pete started spazzing out, waving his arms and yelling wildly. Keep in mind, I was armed with a large sword and Pete was carrying his Glock 19, a 9mm pistol. We are two, fully-grown, capable, well-armed, rational human beings, and we freaked the crap out.

I think I need to go destroy some stuff, pound a six-pack of bud light, and play some injury-intensive sports to regain all of the manhood points I lost. At least I won’t be alone.

Note: We later found out that this bug is a Palo Verde Beetle. They can apparently get to be 6 inches long. Pete has another, slightly different account of the incident here.